Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
