Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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