I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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