i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
