What a fucking waste of an outfit
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
