There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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