Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
