There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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