This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
