how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
