Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
