No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
