WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize