evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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