I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
