I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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