piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
