Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just high enough for therapy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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