he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
