I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
