I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
