The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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