Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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