Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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