so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
