Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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