Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
