You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
