Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
