Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
