my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
