Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
