apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The Olympian is in my bed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
