You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
