Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
