If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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