The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize