This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
