ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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