i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize