If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
