and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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