Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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