It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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