So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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