We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
