Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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