see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
