Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
