I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
