Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
