Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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