I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize