All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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