am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
