i permit you to call me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
