so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
