you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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