My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
