he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
