i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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