I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
