funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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