i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize