the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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