I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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