that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
