dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
