I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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