they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want to be your penis for a week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
