mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
