Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
