All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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