just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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